I hate family introductions!

If you’re getting Asian matrimonial pressures then you will be familiar with the family introduction concept. I’ve had one in my life and planned never to experience that again until I reach a desperate age. However, at a recent family event, I was unknowingly shown a guy as an introduction! I was slightly annoyed – not because I didn’t know about it upfront, but because I realise with introductions comes the whole addition of unnecessary family involvement and judgments of whether you would be a good match based on ego, materialistic qualities and status. Traditional family introductions I guess were the norm for our parents and a changing role today is a self introduction through online dating. We still make an initial judgement on age, height, career and their mug shot to see how ‘handsome’ he is – all the basics you would also find out through a traditional family introduction. However, I wanted to share some of my frustrations in this post of examples of why I hate family introductions. I apologise if this post is a massive rant – feel free to stop reading!

If you’re still with me, then here are some of the factors of why I passionately hate this Asian tradition:

Caste

How is this even still a relevant issue? Why does it matter and what will it mean if I marry someone who is ‘below’ me – it’s just pathetic, bewildering and irrational. Especially if I met a guy who is not even an Indian then caste has no meaning in the same way that race shouldn’t affect my partner choice.

Education

Intellect of course is important factor unless you lack this then obviously it’s not! However when I am asked ‘what did you study beta?’ and the response of ‘Business and Marketing’ is not something they really know much about or think has as high status as their son’s education background it’s pretty clear to see! I am very intelligent as a matter of fact and probably more so than your doctor-of-a-son! (Well, that’s a rash and questionable statement but you get the idea).

Money

How many times do you hear your parents tell you ‘oh but beta, the family are so wealthy, you will never have to work again!’ This to be frank just angers me! a) What makes you think money means that the family are good people? b) What if I want to work? c) It’s not the guy’s wealth – he didn’t make it and I do not intend to live off of his parents!

Skin tone

Here is another factor that angers the hell out of me! Why is the shade of my skin relevant to how well I would match your son?! The aunty will phone saying ‘he is sooooo fair’… I wish I could take the phone and reply by saying … ‘Aunty ji – I really DO NOT care!’ I once wasn’t put forward as a potential as they believed my skin tone would not be a good match! Since when did dating turn into a B&Q colour chart?

Body size

If you’re not considered skinny i.e. a size 6 or 8, then the words in translation literally meaning ‘she has body’ is used! This I find absolutely hilarious! Don’t we all have a body? In any case, I’m not skinny but pretty sure your son has no 6 pack either!

Height

I often over hear my mother ask about height and reply hesitantly saying my brother is only 5’8 –which to be fair is tall for an Asian, but she then turns people down as they are deemed too short or too tall! I’m 5’3, and she clearly forgot to mention the 4’8 height of a guy she once handed my number to or was that a sick joke mum?

Career choice

Like with education people tend to decide whether you are a perfect match based on your career choice. At the recent unknown introduction I went to that I mentioned earlier, I was asked what I did for a living. I felt as if I had to explain exactly what it was I did to the aunty with her baffled look. She even had the cheek to mention they are not the type of family who judge based on what I do and the ‘potential’ would be earning two peoples salary in a few years. This completely put me off. Why was there a need to even mention this? I do earn a salary and I am not looking for a guy who will be earning for me!

There are other factors I’m sure I’ve missed out, so feel free to share your experiences. What are your thoughts on introductions? Do you trust your parents’ choices to find your partner or prefer my method in thinking to just let me find my destiny through friends, going out to events and online dating? Leave your replies below in the comments or leave me a message on Twitter @abst4r.

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